Why Should I? The Benefits to the Person Who Forgives

Research and personal observations show that the person who forgives is happier and perhaps even healthier. While the goal of forgiving may be noble, the effects are concrete.

Richard Fitzgibbons cites these benefits to the one who forgives:

• decreased levels of anger and hostility;
• increased feelings of love;
• improved ability to control anger;
• enhanced capacity to trust;
• freedom from the control of events of the past;
• no longer repeating negative behaviors;
• improved physical health;
• significant improvement in psychiatric disorders;

On the other hand, one who cannot forgive may continue to suffer endlessly.

"The man who opts for revenge should dig two graves."
Chinese proverb

From the work of Roy F. Baumeister, Julie Juola Exline, and Krisin L. Sommer come these findings: There is an emotional cost of refusing to forgive. If the perpetrator is someone the injured party must continue to see, each contact with the offender will cause the victim to feel upset again. Continuing to feel angry toward distant or dead perpetrators, over transgressions that cannot be changed, does nothing but make the injured party miserable. Forgiveness would release the victim, and would be a welcome relief.

Are you struggling with whether or not to forgive?