Myths About Forgiveness

Look at what a professor of psychology at Hope College says: "Forgiving doesn't mean ignoring an injustice or letting someone treat you badly. Remember that it's not a wimp's response. It takes a strong, courageous effort to make that move. Letting go of your grudges takes a great deal of moral muscle." (Charlotte vanOyen Wilvliet, quoted in Zest Magazine, (UK) October 2000.) Professor vanOyen Wilvliet's study, "Embodied Forgiveness: Empirical Studies of Cognitive Emotional & Physical Dimensions of Forgiveness-related Responses" was approved for Campaign for Forgiveness Research funding.

Forgiveness is not about glossing over wrongs.
Archbishop Desmond Tutu: "Forgiveness is taking seriously the awfulness of what has happened when you are treated unfairly. Forgiveness is not pretending that things are other than the way they are."

Forgiveness is not amnesia.
"Forgiveness does not equal forgetting. It is about healing the memory of the harm, not erasing it." Dr. Ken Hart, as quoted in Zest Magazine (UK), October 2000. The offense will still be part of your history, but it does not have to dominate your life.

Forgiveness is not pardoning, condoning, or excusing: forgiveness does not remove consequences.
Pope John Paul II forgave his intended assassin in a face-to-face encounter. The individual remains in prison where he can do no further harm.

Forgiveness does not have to include reconciliation; forgiveness is not the same as trusting.
The injured party can forgive an offender even though the offender may never (or for safety sake, must never) be a part of his or her life in the future.

"Forgiveness is not a magic trick that allows us to control other people."

Robert D. Enright, PhD.

Even if you change, the other person may not. Each person has free will.